just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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