I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
