I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
