The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
