Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
