Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
