Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
