Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
