guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize