just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
