I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
