I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
