Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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