What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
