This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize