Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
