So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Vodka?
Forever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
