She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
