If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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