I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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