this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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