she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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