shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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