im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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