Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
