allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize