69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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