I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
