you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
