im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
