that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
