you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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