It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
