So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
