if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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