So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
