my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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