I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
