That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize