Don't you send me to vm
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
