Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
