dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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