So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
