I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
