so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I forget how to act sober
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
