God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
