We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
