My hair reeks of homosexuality.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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