The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize