People in love make me want to vomit
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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