It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
