well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
