if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This toilet bowl is my home.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize