Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You can't motorboat a personality
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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