I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
