Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
