she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
