so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
