Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
