I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My balls are so social today.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
