You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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