By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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