like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize