I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
