woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize