I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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