It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
