i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
