I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
