I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
