I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
