Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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