just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
