can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize