we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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