Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
