I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
