I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
