the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
