Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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