is your mom at the bar?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize