Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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