Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
