that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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