Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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