It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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