Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
