i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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