She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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