Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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