Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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