I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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