woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
