dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
