1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
