I wanna bring you to show and tell
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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