And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
