Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
