i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
