you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
