So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
