We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
