i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
