doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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