I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
