if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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