Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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